dilemma

dilemma, confusion and uncertainty are the order of the day in this post modern world... i am weaving a story relevant to this subject, as i have got a thread of ideas that make great story..... wait and read the short story "dilemma" soon in my blog..... vardhan






dilemma,

The man who knows too much about life walked into the organisation for an interview, though he seemed reserved, introvert and nervous externally, but his internal confidence is indomitable and he feels that he could achieve anything if he is physically energetic like other people whom he kept on comparing; naturally he couldn't face the interview with confidence, he mumbles and felt nervous and his pitch of voice is low that led the management to conclude that he didn't seem to be right person they are looking for, though he had all eligible qualifications required for the job....

left the organization with a saddened face, feeling that he would sure get the better job than this. what made him regret was not his failure in the interview but his inability to express it at the right time. he stood at the big and lengthy entrance wall of the organization confused where to move, and what to do next, as he had just 100 rupees in his pocket, caluculated what could be done within 100 rupees, decided to move to an internet which he had been addicted to watch porn and to write something in his blog. as soon as he sat in the internet, he started writing his experiences in his blog titled as " dilemma" he begins with " for the first time in life i fall into a bitter dilemma, i don't know how much time it will take to grow out of it, i don't know how i could explain it to you...

it’s bitter, sour experience that irritates me and gradually pushing me into depression” you might ask me what causes my dilemma, I could say it’s neither circumstances nor my mental condition but my inability to accept the truth. I am gathering lot of strength, both mentally and physically to accept the bitter truth, but I am not able to… wait for tomorrow… I have got to go”… left the internet and started walking in the pedestrian way, his conflicting thoughts were occupying his mind rather than the heavy sounds of the traffic, everything looked grey to his eyes like his thoughts, he stooped at a circle where four roads meet, waiting for the signal.. the camera placed at the signal flashed across and recorded the mood and atmosphere of the people and the location, as if everything and everyone in this world is being watched or under surveillance... he couldn’t hear his mobile ringing until someone standing behind him informed about it... nervously received the phone only to know that his girlfriend wouldn’t be able to come tomorrow at specific place… the vehicles started moving all of a sudden as the signal fell… but his state of mind was like that he neither could move nor could stand there… to be or not to be… indecisive… falls into dilemma… reached his room… he had been staying alone, because he wouldn’t want to be disturbed by anyone…. Of course his thoughts are lingering around his girlfriend why she had refused to come, was there any special cause or was she losing interest in me? He was convinced with the later and reasoned himself that he had not been able to please her… and he remembered yesterday’s meeting with her that he couldn’t talk to her… as she kept comparing her other boyfriend mr.Naveen who is so jovial and fun to talk with… came to conclusion that she would have a date with naveen tomorrow probably,

while going to bed with lot of paradoxes in the mind, the mobile got a message… suddenly opened it, only to find the reminder of the tomorrow’s class which he had joined a month ago for crash course on data ware housing…put it down and opened a spiritual book in which he started reading the article named “living in uncertainty” .

Sitting in the class and listening to marketing professional explaining success “if you can’t fallow the market rules, if you can’t market yourself, if you can’t learn constantly, if you can’t keep up the same spirit, “you are dead” said the professional preaching the rules of success in the postmodern world. Continued in the same spirit “ these rules can be applied to life also, you have to change your life style…it’s not slow and steady and wins the race, it’s fast and leap wins the race…. Success is a process, hence you will get it only if you constantly work for it…. Of course knowledge is power but marketing it is success”. Everyone in this world is a product or a commodity; it can be used until it has demand” imagine if you have fallen in love with a girl” raised his head and widen his eyes to listen…” you will have to please her everyday thinking that she is an ever demanding commodity” the day you stop pleasing or you are not able to please her, you lose the demand and someone will occupy your place…. “ akil remembered the words his girl friend uttered yesterday encounter “ I am boring akil, i don’t know why I feel really boring with you yaar, you know naveen is really a funny guy”, lingering in his mind…

started messaging his girlfriend “ do you r e a lly like me” answer me” the trainer is still teaching “ we reject commodity or product because we don’t find it interesting at the moment, hence we should always give preference to external look of the commodity, doesn’t matter even if it looks superficial “ akil got the message from his girl friend, “why are you asking me this now” started messaging again, “ I just want to know right now, answer me” while listening to the words of the trainer “ even in life, our relationships are also depended upon how we project ourselves in front of others, hence we must project ourselves as a successful man despite the failures” akil got the message “ of course I like you, but… “Confused by the message, again started messaging “but …what does it mean? Answer me immediately” received the message from his girlfriend “ I can’t answer this kind of questions, you know” I am not sure about it, bye” the class is over, as trainer moved away, akil got up and reached the internet as fast as he could, opened his blog and started writing where he left yesterday “ I don’t think one can accept the truth unless he projects himself as lie, because people don’t accept” currently I am facing the same condition, I don’t know whether I should project myself as lie or truthful… is it possible to face the people with the truth? I always fear them… I feel I was rejected by my girlfriend because I am trying to project myself as truthful, as my trainer preached unless one project oneself as lie irrespective of its superficiality, you will be succeeded, it’s a process, you will have to maintain throughout your life…

but my true nature might laugh at me, again I fall into dilemma, to be or not to be like hamlet, “left the internet as if he had determined to do something, got on the bus and moved to a big saloon, changed his hair style, and then went to a shop and bought two pairs of clothes, changed his outlook completely, of course for that matter, he started behaving as if he is perfect reminding the saying “ yadbhavam tadbhavati” . As the days passes on, the positive outlook in him started giving fruitful results, consequently he started working as if he is doing with lot of commitment or truthfully, thinking that getting success is the only destination. For the first time in life, he finds a strange pleasure in projecting himself as successful, positive person despite his reluctant innate nature. Everything runs after him, even his girlfriend, the rate of his success is in leaps and bounds, he couldn’t believe himself or his success in life… of course naturally he falls into dilemma, started writing in his blog.... I can just say “ don’t follow your instinct, you will sure fall into dilemma of moral conflict, I feel there is a duality in everything you do, all you need to be happy at the present time, project yourself as positive person, that will sure bring positive attitude in life, and will bring you success you carved for…. Irrespective of its superficiality, I now feel everything is superficial or Maya or illusion, why should I bother about something eternal, as lord Krishna said in Bhagavad-Gita “ be detached, but still enjoy what is there at present with you” do or enjoy it as if it may not be yours after the moment” I learned and came to conclusion… life has past, present, future, duality, and many more things, but man could involve in only one thing at a time, he should stick to it, otherwise he will sure bring misery” these are all the lessons I learnt from life, I will continue to live like this, bye” completed writing in his blog, started moving in his bike, he is feeling so free as if he is moving in the air, for that matter he is feeling the moving or motion itself, of course his girl friend joins in the journey, giving exciting or thrilling momentum to the moment. He remembered that he didn’t enjoy such simple moments before, because he out rightly rejected them as frivolous or silly or amateurish. As he always projected himself as serious, reserved and matured, he never enjoyed the simple moments or childlike activities…

Later, one day his girlfriend happened to read his blog, she was surprised to know such truths about Shiva.. And called him up and asked him to meet at a certain place… they both met at a certain place…

Girl: I read your blog….

Shiva: surprised… or acting like surprised… is it?

Girl: you are projecting yourself as lie..

Shiva: of course, people like it, I am more positive than I was before.. I hope you also like this disposition…

Girl: of course I like it... but.

Shiva: but… what do you mean?

Girl: I feel I am fooled by you...

Shiva: I fooled everyone, not only you… that is what success is…

Girl: now I feel whatever we did is completely childish…I may not like you any more….

Shiva: he laughs… laughs and laughs… of course even I am feeling boring with you…

Girl: feels dejected, she turns her head and starts moving away as Shiva is still laughing at her…

The girl falls into dilemma…. Shiva may also fall into dilemma

It’s a modern love story that ends usually in break up, as guys or girls don’t like to have a lasting relationship… they all need is instant happiness, instant relationship,….